NFL Week Eight Picks

After a dreadful 6-8 week straight up and 4-10 ATS, all I can do is pray that it gets better this week. In straight up picks, Barnes picked up two more games on me, extending his lead to 6 at 59-43 to 53-49. I can still come back, but I might want to get on that. Anyway...enough small talk. Now...on to the picks...accompanied by comments this week. It was depressing to not see any of my comments on the blog last week.

Oakland @ Baltimore (-7)
The Pick: Oakland (ATS) Baltimore (Straight Up)
Remember the movie the Cable Guy when Jim Carrey gracefully plummets from the satellite and almost kills himself by hitting the receiver, thereby blowing out everyone's signal and not letting anyone see the verdict of the big court case?? I hope someone does that this week so no one has to be forced into watching the Fighting Flaccos play this Cable Guy's team.

Arizona @ Carolina (-4.5)
The Pick: Carolina
The Panthers are dynamite at home, and going from the west to the east to play this year has been tough on all of the travelling teams.

Tampa Bay @ Dallas (-3.5)
The Pick: Tampa Bay
It's too bad Gruden doesn't get the wild hair to bring back Rob Johnson for a game just to face off against Brad Johnson for Johnson superiority. Johnson superiority...a game I'm sure Jeff Garcia must beat them all in. I mean, there must be some reason Carmella was willing to marry him...right??

Washington (-8.5) @ Detroit
The Pick: Washington
A lot of people are going with the Lionesses this week, but not me. Why?? Because I don't pick up on trends. And I refuse to believe the Redskins will play a third straight dud.

Buffalo (-1.5) @ Miami
The Pick: Buffalo
I think Buffalo's D is better than Baltimore's and Baltimore put a spanking on the Dolphins.

St. Louis @ New England (-7)
The Pick: New England
I heard Tom Brady's not playing this week. Sucks for the Pats. Oh well...I think they'll bring down the resurgent big horned sheep this week.

San Diego (-3) @ New Orleans @ LONDON
The Pick: New Orleans
Because, little do people know, Drew Brees actually grew up delivering papers on the streets of this grand old English city (that's how he got his arm), and because the Chargers infuriate me week in and week out Side note: Everyone else should pick San Diego because I almost guarantee I'm wrong on this pick.

Kansas City @ New York Jets (-13)
The Pick: Kansas City (ATS) New York Jets (Straight Up)
Favre follows up "the most disappointing game of his career" with another clunker. Meanwhile, his golden image continues to look more and more copperish. I'm starting to think he wants to just send me into a spiral of tears and despair.

Atlanta @ Philadelphia (-9)
The Pick: Atlanta (ATS) Philadelphia (Straight Up)
The Golden Boy looks awfully good with a rejuvenated line and a Burner in the backfield. Although, I'm pretty sure in real life, an Eagle would tear a Falcon to little bits, and then do it again just because he's bored.

Cleveland @ Jacksonville (-6.5)
The Pick: Jacksonville
Can the Brownies stop the run?? Clinton Portis says no, although they still kept the game close. I don't care. I'm betting that two good backs in Jacksonville will give me 6.5, whereas one in Washington could only get me a measley 3.

New York Giants @ Pittsburgh (-3)
The Pick: New York Giants
Because Eli is the new Peyton. Wow...that's funny to write and to look at. Not quite as funny as watching Josh Febus get a concussion for the Bobcats on a botched field goal though. But anyway...Eli's not Peyton, but his O-Line will allow him to make plays, whereas Big Ben will probably be sacked 7 or 8 times.

Seattle @ San Francisco (-4.5)
The Pick: San Francisco
Because JT O'Sullivan is greater than Seneca Wallace. Now...if William Wallace plays...it's Seahawks in a rout. And we'll be treated to public indecency for flashing before and after the win.

Cincinnati @ Houston (-10)
The Pick: Cincinnati (ATS) Houston (Straight Up)
The Bengals suck really bad. But are they 10 points suckier than the Texans. I hope not.

Indianapolis @ Tennessee (-4)
The Pick: Tennessee
Did you see what the Green Bay defense did to Indy last week?? Tennessee's D is much much better and less injured.

That's it. The Pack are at home recuperating this week. Hope they can get healthy